The Crystal Ball Speaks to the Fan

The Fan was cleaning out his basement and tripped over a round object covered by a felt sheet. Upon further inspection, it turned out to be a long forgotten crystal ball. After dusting it off, the Fan was amazed to see the following images:

- President Obama will throw out the first pitch at the Washington Nationals' home opener to enthusiastic crowds. Security at the game will make El Al look like amateurs.

- Manny Ramirez will sign with the Dodgers and have the following numbers: .312/33/115/.400/.550/.950, the Dodgers will win the NL West and Ramirez will be back in Buster Olney's good graces.

- Kerry Wood will save 38 games after a slow start.

- Sabathia will end up with a 17-12 record for the Yankees.

- Raul Casanova of the Mets will have a chance meeting with Romeo Crennel and they will discuss their strategy with women.

- Ben Sheets will sign with the Texas Rangers and will later credit Nolan Ryan with conditioning tips that helped him overcome his history of injuries.

- Rickey Henderson will be voted into the Hall of Fame, but some bone-headed writers will leave him off their ballot so he won't be unanimous.

- Dan Shaughnessy will write a 10,000 word diatribe when Jim Rice fall short of the votes needed to gain entrance to the Hall of Fame. The diatribe will include at least one Rob Neyer reference.

- Jayson Stark will actually write another baseball post for ESPN.com and finally remove his headline that the Braves have the best chance of signing A. J. Burnett.

- David Wright will win the National League MVP.

- Alex Rodriguez will win the American League MVP and bloggers from coast to coast will complain about the New York media bias.

- Randy Johnson will win his 300th game by June 15.

- Five more minor league pitchers from the Dominican Republic will be suspended for doping and yet the major story of how draftees from that country are mistreated will stay as dead in the headlines as they are now.

- The American Team will be bounced early from the WBC and American baseball fans will yawn and pop open another coke.

- The standings at the end of the year will be:
- AL East: Yankees, Red Sox, Rays, Orioles, Blue Jays
- AL Central: Indians, Twins, Tigers, Royals, White Sox
- AL West: Rangers, Mariners, A's, Angels
- NL East: Mets, Marlins, Phillies, Braves, Nationals
- NL Central: Astros, Reds, Cardinals, Cubs, Brewers
- NL West: Dodgers, Giants, Diamondbacks, Rockies, Padres

- The Wild Card teams will be the Red Sox and the Marlins

- At least ten homers or non-homers will be overturned by replay.

- There will be two no-hitters thrown during the year. One will be against the Padres.

- Phil Hughes will win more games than Chien-Ming Wang

- Jon Lester will win more games than Beckett

- Mike Hampton will win fourteen games and win comeback player of the year.

- Adam Dunn will hit 40 homers.

- No one will hit 50 or more homers.

- Barry Bonds will finally be convicted and the story will finally be over.

- Ozzie Guillen will have at least four major meltdowns

- Russell Branyon will play for at least two more teams in 2009 and hit home runs for both of them. He's played for eleven teams in the last six years and had at least one homer in every stop.

- The Fan will be watching with interest and pore over every box score as usual

Happy New Year Everyone!