Time for a Yard Sale

In what seems to be a unique phenomenon, every May our town in northern Maine has a city-wide yard sale. The "city" is a euphemism as there might be 8,000 people in the entire town. There used to be more before the air force base was closed fifteen years ago. So, anyway, this one weekend a year, the "city" gets jammed with cars as about 25% of the homes in town participate in the sale and people look forward to it all year.

There is no sense attempting to get anywhere in a hurry on yard sale weekend. Cars must maneuver in single lane traffic through congested streets with cars parked all willy-nilly on the sides of the road. It's much worse than the Halloween traffic. About ten years ago, the Fan was carefully attempting to leave the house to go to the golf course. After driving in a zigzag pattern down the block, the brake pad was pushed for a stop sign. Apparently, the person in the car that was following was rubbernecking at the items in people's driveways and didn't see this driver stop. Bang! After thinking briefly about claiming whiplash, the Fan got out of the car only to discover that the person that caused the accident was the Fan's former grandmother-in-law. What are the odds of that?

This year, the Fan is participating for the first time. Got the little sign to tack on the mailbox and everything. The times dictate that some capital is needed to restock the depleted coffers. Wow, is this a lot of work! Everything in the basement, in all the closets, in all the cabinets and under the beds have been sifted through looking for lost treasures, or at least what we hope will be treasures to somebody.

We are selling one of those big TVs that have the DVD and VCR built right in. Man was that heavy to carry down the stairs! We have a bread maker that was a wedding present and has sat in a box unopened for nine years. We have two computers for sale. Don't ask how, but this house has accumulated nine computers over the years. Two at least have to go. Everything that someone might buy is being considered. Dollar signs fill the air. We have steins, we have vases, we have beanie babies, we have three sizes of clothes that no longer fit. We have shoes. It's incredible the stuff we accumulate in a lifetime.

There was a point to this post. Darned if the Fan can remember what it was...Oh yeah! This thought is tied up to the recent speculation about the Red Sox since they have fifteen different starting pitchers. Well, that might be an exaggeration. But they have a lot. This house is stacked with computers. The Red Sox are stacked with starting pitching. Sooner or later, it would seem that the team has to do something about the overload.

Let's count them up: Beckett, Penny, Masterson, Wakefield, Dice-K, Lester, Smoltz, Buchholz, Delcarmen. Well, we are up to nine. Who would go in the yard sale? Penny? It would seem that a couple of those guys can be hidden in the minors or in the bullpen. But you don't sign a Smoltz and then not give him the ball, right? Beckett, Dice-K, Wakefield and Lester aren't going anywhere for a long time and that's four already. That still leaves a couple of guys too many. It would seem a pretty nice problem to have except for one thing, the Red Sox are currently near the bottom in the majors in starter ERA. How did that happen?

Wouldn't it be cool if the major leagues had a yard sale? Instead of having a trade deadline, you could only have a weekend to trade players. Maybe it could be the All Star break since everyone is off anyway. The teams could take all their spare parts to the All Star venue, line them up in designated areas and put signs on them. Instead of dollar signs, the teams could put what they need in return.

Another term for yard sales are, "trash and treasure" sales. In other words, what some people consider extra junk, just as many other people think they are treasures. The same would hold true at the major league yard sale. There would be a Peavy or there could be a Jerry Hairston, Jr. Trash or treasure? Your call.

The Fan will let you know how the sale goes this weekend. It's time to go as there are a few more nooks and crannies to search before giving up for the night.