Imagining Cashman's Conversation with Casey Close

There were some reports yesterday that Brian Cashman, the Yankees' general manager, called Casey Close, Derek Jeter's agent, to talk about comments Cashman made at a recent function concerning Derek Jeter eventually moving to the outfield. The comments, tweeted live by Amanda Rycoff of espnW caused a firestorm as only a story about Derek Jeter can create. Cashman probably decided that he had to explain himself to the shortstop, so Cashman called Jeter's agent. Since none of us are privy to such a conversation, we can only imagine how it went. The following is this writer's imagination on how that call might have gone.

• Close: Hello?
• Cashman: Hey, Casey, how's it going?
• Close: Oh, it's you. Nice going.
• Cashman: Uh...is...he...mad?
• Close: Nah, he's known you are just telling people what they want to hear.
• Cashman: Really? He knows that?
• Close: Ah, not only do you put your foot in your mouth, you're gullible too. Of COURSE he's mad.
• Cashman: I was afraid of that. What did he say?
• Close: He's wondering why you keep talking to the media about him like you have all winter.
• Cashman: Well, he's been a story. I've got to talk to the reporters about it.
• Close: All he wants to know is why you don't talk to him first, that's all.
• Cashman: Point taken.
• Close: You haven't had a good winter. You've been hanging around those Steinbrenners too long.
• Cashman: Hey, nothing I've said hasn't been the truth.
• Close: Well, we can debate that, but why do you have to talk to the creeps in the media?
• Cashman: Hey! You use those guys too. I know how you agents are.
• Close: Moi?
• Cashman: Well, tell Jeter I called and explained.
• Close: You didn't explain anything.
• Cashman: Oh..ahh...I was just talking. You know. It was a function. Didn't think it would become such a big deal.
• Close: You've just been talking all winter, haven't you? What's up with that? You had to state at the Soriano news conference the signing not being your idea? You trying to test those guys?
• Cashman: The media said I lied. I didn't want them to think I was lying. I talked to Levine and them about it first.
• Close: Well, at least you showed up, didn't think you would.
• Cashman: That's my job.
• Close: Yeah, you also called writers everywhere, who questioned your handling of Joba, stupid. Another good move.
• Cashman: Those butt wipes. Who do they think they are writing that kind of crap?
• Close: Only the butt wipes that keep up interest in your team, Brian. Why you biting the hand that feeds you?
• Cashman: Oh yeah. Good point. I'll have to soften that.
• Close: I have some Correctol in the cabinet if you want it.
• Cashman: Bite me.
• Close: And what's the deal with Joba anyway? Don't want to look like you don't know what you're doing?
• Cashman: Stick to being an agent and I'll run the baseball operations, okay?
• Close: It's your deal. Hey, you know the Captain isn't real happy about having to think about anyone named Soriano again.
• Cashman: Ha! That's a good one. So tell the big guy we're cool okay? He's our shortstop.
• Close: Yeah, I'll tell him. He's going to prove you all wrong and make you look like twerps, you know.
• Cashman: Well, if he does, we all win, so I hope he does.
• Close: You hope he does until the year before his contract is up, you mean.
• Cashman: Don't start with me. It wasn't me that had a crappy year.
• Close: I'll tell him that too.
• Cashman: CASEY! That's just between you and me. Don't make things worse.
• Close: No, I'll leave that to you. You're on a roll.
• Cashman: Yeah, yeah. Anyway, tell Jeter I'll talk to him soon.
• Close: Gotcha. Take it easy. Give Levine a kiss for me.
• Cashman: Bite me.