Triptoe Through the Transactions

The MLB transaction wire is always a fun place in the off season. Professional writers and bloggers expend tons of keystrokes navigating through the tender and not so tendered facts you'll find there. This site used to do a weekly review of said snippets from the wire but it's been an awfully long time. In fact, such a review hasn't happened since Christina Karhl did her reviews for Baseball Prospectus. That is a long time ago. The one difference between her reviews and this site's were that hers were worth reading. Ours? Well...let's not call them hard-core journalism.

So to prove once again that you can never go home again, here are the Fan's review of the past week's transactions:

• The Diamondbacks hope that an Albaladejo can keep the doctor away...oh. Arizona signed the former Yankee and Japanese pitcher.
• With eleven Shoppach days until Christmas, the Red Sox signed catcher Kelly.
• Dallas Braden is 0-3 lifetime against National League teams. Will that make him another Dallas that can't beat the Giants? Anyway, Oakland signed him.
• Cody couldn't have gotten a king's Ransom when he signed with the Diamondbacks. Not with a -0.8 career rWAR he couldn't have..
• Two players have upHill climbs as both Rich and Koyie were non-tendered.
• With all the games that Hernandez has caught in his life, the Rockies hope his legs aren't like Ramon noodles since they just signed him.
• Will must have been dejected when he was rejected by the Tigers. Hey, at least that Rhymes.
• The only games Aaron ever pitched were lopsided scores that had turned into Laffeys. No wonder he was non-tendered.
• Really wish the Yankees had signed Aaron Rowand instead of the Marlins. That way, you could have Rowand and Martin and everyone would laugh.
• The mighty Casey (or not) won't bat for the Brewers anymore. They traded him to the Pirates. Rival GMs looked at the Pirates and went teeheemcgeheehee.
• The Mets had heard the stories about a porn room in their clubhouse so they hired a Hefner. Jeremy that is.
• The Yankees performed a Colinoscopy as Curtis was outrighted to Scranton/Wilkes-Barre. Any city that has two punctuation in its name needs a change.
• As long as a pitcher is left-handed, it's hard for his career to be Garretted. Just ask Olson who signed with the Mets.
• The Phillies had no heart for Ben Francisco and no golden sun will shine for him. The Blue Jays play in a dome.
• The Keppinger Report said his stock is down. Jeff was non-tendered.
• Since the Padres non-tendered Hermida, he should go to the Rockies. Isn't that what they use on those baseballs there?
• Chris's last name is New York Italian for, "The north of you," Denorfia. The Padres signed him.
• Cortes was not a conquistador in Seattle. The only thing he defeated was himself. The Mariners non-tendered him.
• The Sonnanstine Chapel was closed in St. Pete. The Rays non-tendered him. But they did get a pitcher with a built in excuse for BABIP right in his name...Badenhop.
• In a rare event, Fabio was asked to take his shirt off. Not that Fabio! Fabio Castillo who the Rangers non-tendered.
• Can hear Tao of Stieb now asking, "Who he?" after the Blue Jays signed Jim Hoey.
• Washington wanted a clean Slaten, so they non-tendered Doug.
• The Oakland A's are so desperate that they looked for a bovine that could swim. So they got themselves a Cowgill.
• And no, Bianchi wasn't one of Mick Jagger's wives. He's an infielder that the Cubs got on waivers from the Royals.
• And now that the Tigers have Collin Balester, they should trade him to the A's because a Cowgill will need something to eat.
• And the Braves should send their Rule V draft selection, Robert Fish, to the A's to teach that Cowgill how to swim.
• And finally, shouldn't the Cardinals have drafted Matthew in the Rule V draft instead of the Nationals? After all, he is a Buschmann.