So the heck with the 30 questions. It was gimmicky and it was just a way to pass the time. It ended up passing gas too because there was no heart in it. Let's face it, we just want the season to start. After the longest Spring Training in the history of baseball and the WorldBullCrap tournament, it's time to sing, man! "Like the winter needs the spring, you know I need you. I need you. I need you."
When nothing real is happening and only fake games have been going on for an eternity, inspiration seems to lag. The Fan wonders if the veteran players feel it too. "Man, I'm tired of this stuff!" The good news is that Wednesday is April 1. Good golly, never thought the month of March would end. But at last it has and soon, the standings won't keep showing every team at 0-0.
Of course, April means different things for different people. Around here, we call April, "Mud Season." It's when the snow starts to melt (though we could have several more storms before it is over) and the frost in the ground starts to loosen and the earth becomes one big mud puddle. And not only do our feet squish wherever we walk, we can think about all those lovely mosquitoes and black flies breeding in that lovely ooze. And the Fan lives in northern Maine because...?
But at least today had some powerful stories. Let's start with Gary Sheffield. Now that one was a shocker. What a bummer for the big man to be out of a job right before the season starts and one homer away from the magic 500. Imagine all the plans Shef was making to celebrate that milestone? Now he's packing his bags and hoping his phone will ring. The Fan can hear the narrator from the Twilight Zone intoning: "Gary Sheffield, you have entered the Frank Thomas, Sammy Sosa zone." DOOdoodoodoodoo doo doo.
That took a lot of guts to throw away that much money. Too bad Sheffield couldn't convince some doctor that he had an anxiety disorder or something. But the Tigers have stunk up the yard all spring and they had to "Man Up" and do something. They did the right thing. Too bad they couldn't dump about eight more players.
This weird headline was found on ESPN.com: "Committee to study A's park; Boxer weighs in". Now isn't that weird? How is a boxer weighing in related to the A's park? Or if the boxer is weighing in an opinion about a baseball field, how is that relevant? Okay, just fooling around here. It just looked silly as a headline. Boxer, of course, is Barbara Boxer, the popular junior senator from California. Her husband, Stewart, is a lawyer, which makes an oddity as there are many times when Boxer files briefs.
Oh, speaking of headlines, if any of you English majors are reading, what's up with headlines not being capitalized anymore? Did some law pass or something? It's kind of like growing up when mass was always in latin and then one day we showed up and the priest was playing a guitar and the nuns threw away their habits and everyone could eat meat on Friday. How did that happen? Anyway, if one of youz guyz or galz can shed light on this development, can you let the Fan in on it?
Tom Browning, the former Cincinnati pitcher noted for his perfect game and scuffed up baseballs found himself in jail for back child support. Apparently he owes, $99,000+. Ouch. Before you go calling him a deadbeat, consider that he hasn't had a big paycheck since he retired and that's the problem for athletes. Their career ends and ex-spouses want to keep living the life of luxury. Don't know if that's the case, or if Browning really is just a deadbeat, but, the guy is in a pickle now.
Joba Chamberlain's DUI situation was delayed again. If this keeps up, The Hut will never get his driver's license back. But the Yankees might be happy about that. This is the arraignment that keeps getting postponed. The guy can't even get charged for crying out loud. The Fan has seen millionaire divorces ended quicker than this.
How can you tell that the baseball season needs to start very soon? How about all the major sports sites featuring a headline about a stupid four pound hamburger. Geez, Louise, is the news THAT slow?
And now that the Fan has wasted enough of your time while he muddles (remember, it's mud season) through another pre-season post, here is a nice story to leave you on a high note.