Saturday, January 23, 2010

Grant Desme Chooses the Priesthood

Rob Neyer, among others, reported today that a prospect of the Oakland Athletics, Grant Desme, retired after a great minor league season to become a priest. While there isn't anything but admiration for someone who feels called that way, giving up a shot of untold riches, there really isn't anything else to say in the matter. The guy was the fifth or eighth best prospect the A's had (depending on the rater) and was a second round draft pick in 2006. So since there isn't really anything original to add to the story and since Mr. Neyer covered it pretty thoroughly, and because the Fan is kind of in a quirky mood, perhaps we can tell this story again (over and over) but while mimicking the style of other writers.

The same story in Murry Chass mode.

"Higher power" according to who? Preposterous. What higher power is there than Major League baseball? Does that make him right and me wrong? Of course not. Am I right? Yes. Why? Because my opinion counts.

The same story in Peter Gammons mode.

Grant Desme was arguably one of Oakland's best prospects and since Billy Beane's team already has a paucity of hitters, it's a real blow to that organization. Sources tell me that Billy Beane is taking this hard but supports Desme's decision. Look, one can't argue with a young man who makes such a choice. One can only wish Desme the best.

The same story in Patrick Sullivan mode.

Two thoughts. One, how hairbrained can anyone be to question Desme's frame of mind and try to understand his need to follow a higher authority? What a great way to show your lack of understanding.

Two, and I can't be clear enough about this. If you think you know better than Grant Desme, THEN YOU DON'T KNOW THE FIRST THING ABOUT PRIESTS.

The same story in any sabermetric-based web site mode.

This data suggests that there is a 98.7 percent possibility that Grant Desme will not play in the major leagues. To get at that figure, we first eliminate the variables such as his inability to finish his priestly studies. Data indicates that he graduated from his last higher education subset and we can thus eliminate that possibility in our calculations. The algorithm we used does take into account the percentage of priests who give up the priesthood for a woman...

The same story in Dan Shaunessy mode.

Minor league baseball players always lie. How do they sleep at night? Put any three of them in the same room and you could make the polygraph machine explode. Besides, if he wanted to be a priest, wouldn't he have been better drafted by the Boston organization? Where can you be a priest in California? Maybe his first act as a priest will be to have Mark McGwire in confession.

The same story in Joe Posnanski mode.

I was stuck on the West Coast last week and couldn't sleep. Those time changes always keep me up late at night.* The inevitable infocommercials--infocos as we like to call them, came on and our old favorite, the snuggie made another appearance.

*I still can't understand how being on the left coast with its two hour difference can cause me to stay up four hours later than usual. But that is what always happens when out there.

After watching with amazement that the huggable snuggables come in leopard stripes the thought crossed my mind if those garments worn by nuns are as comfortable as snuggies. And that brings us around to what this 5000-word post was supposed to be about anyway. Not nuns exactly, but priests.

You may have heard about Grant Desme (4890 more words...)

The same story in eyebleaf mode.

A priest? Who knew? Hey, let's focus on the positives. It wasn't our PROSPECT PORN!

The same story in Josh Borenstein mode.

That wouldn't have happened if Desme was a JML

The same story in Bill Simmons mode. (on Twitter).

The Oakland franchise is a crock and their guy wears a frock.

The same story in Jayson Stark mode.

Bet you didn't know that Grant Desme is the only draft pick to ever give up the game for the priesthood. He's the only one. He could end up being the priest with the highest total of professional homers since the friars that showed the Bambino how to play baseball.

One more? Okay, one more in Michael Silver mode.


Grant Desme, who might have walked away from millions for a higher calling.

1 comment:

Josh Borenstein said...

Haha, clever post. To me, baseball might as well be my religion. Huge sacrifice this guy is making. I would imagine he will regret this decision in a few years.