Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Stars could have aligned to make Brian Wilson a Yankee

After the Yankees learned that Soriano had opted out of his contract. And if Mariano Rivera had decided not to return for another season, the Yankees might have felt insecure about the back end of their bullpen. And if Brian Wilson was non-tendered by the Giants as has been speculated, the stars might have aligned to bring Brian Wilson to New York. Can you imagine?

What makes thinking about such a scenario so delicious is that the Yankees have a strict appearance code. Consider poor Darnell McDonald who the Yankees picked up after he was waived by the Red Sox. The dread-locked, bearded McDonald had to remove all of those dreads and the beard to join the Yankees. For his efforts, he received four plate appearances and appeared in four total games before disappearing into oblivion.

Now imagine Brian Wilson getting his best offer to pitch for the Yankees. The first thing he would have to do is shave that thing on his face. And he would once again look like this guy:


What would be the benefit to Wilson if such a scenario had happened?
  • His reputation might once again have to be built on...you know...his pitching instead of his "costume." 
  • He would save a ton of money on black hair dye.
  • Half of baseball fans in the world would stop thinking of him as some kind of clown.
  • He would no longer make watercolor paintings after eating tomato soup.
  • Thousands would cheer and it would be an attention-seeker's bonanza to have a public ceremony in cutting that thing.
  • A half a dozen parody Twitter accounts would be lost and wouldn't know what to do with themselves.

Now sure, the beard has become a bit of a crutch for Mr. Wilson and it might be a bit tough to adjust to life without it. And he might not be willing to do it. Daniel Rathman, baseball writer and Twitter bud, said, "I honestly think he would refuse to sign with the Yankees purely because of that."

Maybe so. But what a spectacle it could have been. The danger of writing this piece, of course, is that some Giants fans might be offended. And apologies if that is so. But, to be sure, a couple of World Series titles in the last three seasons should take some of that edge off.

1 comment:

John Satunas said...

after what they did to McDonald he better think twice before signing with them