Fly on the Wall of Theo Discussions

Don't you wish you could be a fly on the wall when important negotiations are taking place? The current negotiations between the Chicago Cubs and the Boston Red Sox over compensation for the last year of Theo Epstein's of contractual obligation to the Red Sox must be fascinating. Since none of us are privy to such conversations, all we can do then is to imagine what must be going on. Since this writer has an overactive imagination anyway, it might be a fun exercise to imagine what is going on behind closed doors. What follows then is a totally fictional view of the negotiations between Tom Ricketts, owner of the Cubs and John Henry, owner of the Red Sox.

• Ricketts: Hello, John, thanks for coming.
• Henry: Thank you, Tom, but it's not like I had any choice. We need to get this done.
• Ricketts: Right. It was good of you to allow us to talk to Theo. I understand you could have said no when we asked if we could talk to him and I appreciate it.
• Henry: We'll see how much you appreciate it. But you're welcome. This is what Theo wanted apparently and we weren't going to stand in his way. Why he wants to go from the Ivy League to the ivy is beyond me but that's where we are.
• Ricketts: Where's Lucchino?
• Henry: I can handle this. I have Larry running down a development with the soccer team.
• Ricketts: Oh yeah, right. Soccer. Why would you want to get involved with soccer?
• Henry: It was a business move and something we were interested in to bring on board. I love soccer.
• Ricketts: Right.
• Henry: What? Soccer is fantastic.
• Ricketts: If you say so. Anyway, about Theo...
• Henry: We're not going to just give him away, Tom.
• Ricketts: Nor should you. He's terrific. But things haven't been that great between you and we shouldn't get carried away. You probably would have fired him anyway.
• Henry: No, we wouldn't have fired him. We would have had some discussions next year when his contract ran out. But we were fine with him.
• Ricketts: But you did criticize his signing of Crawford. You said you were against that idea.
• Henry: Don't read too much into that. Do you think I would sign off on that big a paycheck without approving the deal?
• Ricketts: Then why did you say that?
• Henry: Because I was pissed at how the deal turned out. It really is Epstein's fault since it was his idea.
• Ricketts: I see. We have our own...umm...crosses to bear.
• Henry: You mean like Soriano and Zambrano? Yeah, I would have fired that guy a long time ago for those moves.
• Ricketts: But you have Lackey.
• Henry: Ouch.
• Ricketts: Sorry.
• Henry: No, that's fine. We deserved that. You want him? Take him off our hands and we're done here.
• Ricketts: No thanks. We already have one jerk on our pitching staff.
• Henry: [[chuckle]] Yes you do. And don't even offer him as compensation. We don't want that guy. We'll take that Castro kid though.
• Ricketts: Uh. No.
• Henry: But the kid won't take a walk. 
• Ricketts: No.
• Henry: How about Randy Wells?
• Ricketts: No. I like that kid.
• Henry: But he would play better in Boston than in Wrigley with the wind blowing out.
• Ricketts: I wish I could give you Wrigley. That stupid name haunts me in my sleep. What a dinosaur.
• Henry: Make it work. We have with Fenway.
• Ricketts: We are stuck with Wrigley. Where am I going to put seats? Our fans think it's an Eiffel Tower or something. Ah geez. Drives me crazy.
• Henry: I hear you.
• Ricketts: So what's with the chicken and beer thing?
• Henry: Oh God. Let's not talk about that, okay?
• Ricketts: Heh. I appreciate your situation but also have enjoyed someone else's team getting a personnel black eye besides us. So what else do you want?
• Henry: [[looks at his papers]] Geez, Tom, you've got a lot of crap here. Uhh...what about Sahmahjah?
• Ricketts: [[laughs loudly]]  I love the way you said his name with that Harvard accent. No, we like him. You could have Marmol.
• Henry: Too much indigestion. I'd have a heart attack by the time his contract is up.
• Ricketts: Saw through that, did you?
• Henry: Nice try. Seriously, though, you've got nothing we want. Let's just do a cash thing.
• Ricketts: I was afraid you'd say that. How much?
• Henry: How about two million?
• Ricketts: Interesting. But we wouldn't be able to go that high.
• Henry: You want the guy, don't you?
• Ricketts: Well, yes. But that's a lot of money, John.
• [[phone rings]]
• Ricketts: Excuse me a minute...
• [[Ricketts talks in a muffled voice on the phone]] Okay, Bye.
• Ricketts: That was Selig.
• Henry: What the heck did he want?
• Ricketts: He wants us to wrap this thing up before the Series starts. Doesn't want the distraction.
• Henry: Screw him.
• Ricketts: Ah, he has his priorities. We have ours. Are you hungry?
• Henry: Indeed. Let's go to dinner. We can pick this up tomorrow. You're buying.